Thursday, 1 December 2011
Self Evaluation
When I first entered this class and did an evaluation of myself and my abilities to communicate I rated my self a seven out of ten. However, as I went through the class and further and better understood exactly what communication is I realized I was not quite a seven. After fully understanding the dynamics and dimensions of effective communication, which this class has taught me, and after having done some self observation, I have come to the conclusion that i can now rate myself a ten out of ten as it relates to my communication skills.
Why do people seek advice
Sometimes, people seek advice because they’re in situations of doubt or indecision (especially important decisions) and so they seek out someone they think might have something useful to say. The greater the indecision and the more important the decision, the more likely are people to seek advice.
Sometimes people seek advice to avoid personal responsibility. So, for example, one spouse may say to the other, “I really don’t know what to do with this bonus money. What do you think?” And, assuming the suggestion is followed, the advice seeking spouse can then blame the other for “deciding” what to do with the extra money. Parents who absolve themselves of advising their child about what college to go to may also fall into this don’t-blame-me class.
Some people are simply advice seekers. It seems reasonable to expect people who lack self-confidence and self-esteem to more actively seek advice than people who are high in these qualities. At the same time, however, people who are logical and reasonable might seek advice from persons who are more expert more often than those who are less logical but think they know it all.
Sometimes, advice seeking is used as an ingratiation strategy. Saying, for example, “I know you know a great deal about finances—you’re like a genius. Would you mind looking over my income tax statement?” likely makes the potential advice giver feel good about himself or herself, more positively toward the advice seeker, and, most important, more likely to comply with the request to review the income tax statement.
Sometimes people seek advice to avoid personal responsibility. So, for example, one spouse may say to the other, “I really don’t know what to do with this bonus money. What do you think?” And, assuming the suggestion is followed, the advice seeking spouse can then blame the other for “deciding” what to do with the extra money. Parents who absolve themselves of advising their child about what college to go to may also fall into this don’t-blame-me class.
Some people are simply advice seekers. It seems reasonable to expect people who lack self-confidence and self-esteem to more actively seek advice than people who are high in these qualities. At the same time, however, people who are logical and reasonable might seek advice from persons who are more expert more often than those who are less logical but think they know it all.
Sometimes, advice seeking is used as an ingratiation strategy. Saying, for example, “I know you know a great deal about finances—you’re like a genius. Would you mind looking over my income tax statement?” likely makes the potential advice giver feel good about himself or herself, more positively toward the advice seeker, and, most important, more likely to comply with the request to review the income tax statement.
Lying
Messages Can Deceive
It comes as no surprise that some messages are truthful and some are deceptive. Although we operate in interpersonal communication on the assumption that people tell the truth, some people do lie. In fact, many view lying as quite common whether in politics, business, or interpersonal relationships (Knapp, 2008; Amble, 2005). Lying also begets lying; when one person lies, the likelihood of the other person lying increases (Tyler, Feldman, Reichert, 2006). Furthermore, people like people who tell the truth more than they like people who lie. So, lying needs to be given some attention in any consideration of interpersonal communication.
Lying refers to the act of (1) sending messages (2) with the intention of giving another person information you believe to be false.
• Lying involves some kind of verbal and/or nonverbal message sending (and remember even the absence of facial expression or the absence of any verbal comment also communicates); it also requires reception by another person.
• The message must be sent to intentionally deceive. If you give false information to someone but you believe it to be true, then you haven’t lied. You do lie when you send information that you believe to be untrue and you intend to mislead the other person.
Not surprisingly, cultural differences exist with lying—in the way lying is defined and in the way lying is treated. For example, as children get older, Chinese and Taiwanese (but not Canadians) see lying about the good deeds that they do as positive (as we’d expect for cultures that emphasize modesty) but taking credit for these same good deeds is seen negatively
Some cultures consider lying to be more important than others—in one study, for example, European Americans considered lies less negatively than did Ecuadorians. Both, however, felt that lying to an outgroup was more acceptable than lying to members of the ingroup
It comes as no surprise that some messages are truthful and some are deceptive. Although we operate in interpersonal communication on the assumption that people tell the truth, some people do lie. In fact, many view lying as quite common whether in politics, business, or interpersonal relationships (Knapp, 2008; Amble, 2005). Lying also begets lying; when one person lies, the likelihood of the other person lying increases (Tyler, Feldman, Reichert, 2006). Furthermore, people like people who tell the truth more than they like people who lie. So, lying needs to be given some attention in any consideration of interpersonal communication.
Lying refers to the act of (1) sending messages (2) with the intention of giving another person information you believe to be false.
• Lying involves some kind of verbal and/or nonverbal message sending (and remember even the absence of facial expression or the absence of any verbal comment also communicates); it also requires reception by another person.
• The message must be sent to intentionally deceive. If you give false information to someone but you believe it to be true, then you haven’t lied. You do lie when you send information that you believe to be untrue and you intend to mislead the other person.
Not surprisingly, cultural differences exist with lying—in the way lying is defined and in the way lying is treated. For example, as children get older, Chinese and Taiwanese (but not Canadians) see lying about the good deeds that they do as positive (as we’d expect for cultures that emphasize modesty) but taking credit for these same good deeds is seen negatively
Some cultures consider lying to be more important than others—in one study, for example, European Americans considered lies less negatively than did Ecuadorians. Both, however, felt that lying to an outgroup was more acceptable than lying to members of the ingroup
Eye contact
While at a restaurant trying to signal the server that I would like the check, I noticed what I guess was always the case, that some servers walk through the restaurant looking at the floor while others (and I'm happy to say, the majority) scan their tables for signs that, perhaps, someone might want more water or bread or that the diners are ready to order or that someone might simply want to ask a question. Don’t we teach this in nonverbal communication? Don’t we teach this at culinary schools? Perhaps some enterprising graduate student will study eye gaze of servers in a restaurant and the relationship it bears to tips. Then, when it’s clear that eye contact is positively related to the size of the tip, servers will look at their diners, at least occasionally.
Communication Strategies: Feed forward
Literary and rhetorical critic, I. A. Richards, once remarked that there was nothing he learned that was more important than the concept of feedforward. It’s an essential part of any communication act and yet is regularly ignored in many, if not most, of our textbooks. This is especially strange since we all give much attention to feedback; the other half needs to be given its due.
Feed forward is information you provide before sending your primary message. Feedforward reveals something about the message to come. Feedforward exists in all forms of communication. Examples of feedforward include the preface or table of contents of a book, the opening paragraph of a chapter, movie previews, magazine covers, and introductions in public speeches. Feedforward may serve a variety of functions. Here are some of the major functions:
< To Open the Channels of Communication. Feedforward helps you open the channels of communication and tells you another person is willing to communicate. It tells you that the normal, expected, and accepted rules of interaction will be in effect. It’s the “How are you” and “Nice weather” greetings that are designed to maintain rapport and friendly relationships.
< To Preview the Message. Feedforward messages may, for example, preview the content (“I’m afraid I have bad news for you”), the importance (“Listen to this before you make a move”), the form or style (“I’ll tell you all the gory details”), and the positive or negative quality of subsequent messages (“You’re not going to like this, but here’s what I heard”). The subject heading on your e-mail illustrates this function of feedforward, as do the phone numbers and names that come up on your caller ID.
< To Disclaim. The disclaimer is a statement that aims to ensure that your message will be understood as you want it to be and that it will not reflect negatively on you. For example, you might use a disclaimer when you think that what you’re going to say may be met with opposition. Thus, you say “I’m not against immigration, but . . .” or “Don’t think I’m homophobic, but . . .”
< To Altercast. Feedforward is often used to place the receiver in a specific role and to request responses in terms of this assumed role, a process called altercasting. For example, you might altercast by asking a friend, “As a future advertising executive, what would you think of corrective advertising?” This question casts your friend in the role of advertising executive (rather than parent, Democrat, or Baptist, for example) and asks that she or he answer from a particular perspective.
Here are a few suggestions for giving effective feedforward.
< Use feedforward to estimate the receptivity of the person to what you’re going to say. For example, before asking for a date, you’d probably use feedforward to test the waters and to see if you’re likely to get a “yes” response. You might ask if the other person enjoys going out to dinner or if he or she is dating anyone seriously. Before asking a friend for a loan, you’d probably feedforward your needy condition and say something like “I’m really strapped for cash and need to get my hands on $200 to pay my car loan” and wait for the other person to say (you hope), “Can I help?”
< Use feedforward that’s consistent with your subsequent message. If your main message is one of bad news, then your feedforward needs to be serious and help to prepare the other person for this bad news. You might, for example, say something like “I need to tell you something you’re not going to want to hear. Let’s sit down.”
< The more important or complex the message, the more important and more extensive your feedforward needs to be. For example, in public speaking, in which the message is relatively long, you’d probably want to give fairly extensive feedforward or what is called an orientation or preview. At the start of a business meeting, the leader may give feedforward in the form of an agenda or meeting schedule.
< Avoid using overly long feedforwards that make your listener wonder whether you’ll ever get to the business at hand. These will make you seem disorganized and lacking in focus.
Feed forward is information you provide before sending your primary message. Feedforward reveals something about the message to come. Feedforward exists in all forms of communication. Examples of feedforward include the preface or table of contents of a book, the opening paragraph of a chapter, movie previews, magazine covers, and introductions in public speeches. Feedforward may serve a variety of functions. Here are some of the major functions:
< To Open the Channels of Communication. Feedforward helps you open the channels of communication and tells you another person is willing to communicate. It tells you that the normal, expected, and accepted rules of interaction will be in effect. It’s the “How are you” and “Nice weather” greetings that are designed to maintain rapport and friendly relationships.
< To Preview the Message. Feedforward messages may, for example, preview the content (“I’m afraid I have bad news for you”), the importance (“Listen to this before you make a move”), the form or style (“I’ll tell you all the gory details”), and the positive or negative quality of subsequent messages (“You’re not going to like this, but here’s what I heard”). The subject heading on your e-mail illustrates this function of feedforward, as do the phone numbers and names that come up on your caller ID.
< To Disclaim. The disclaimer is a statement that aims to ensure that your message will be understood as you want it to be and that it will not reflect negatively on you. For example, you might use a disclaimer when you think that what you’re going to say may be met with opposition. Thus, you say “I’m not against immigration, but . . .” or “Don’t think I’m homophobic, but . . .”
< To Altercast. Feedforward is often used to place the receiver in a specific role and to request responses in terms of this assumed role, a process called altercasting. For example, you might altercast by asking a friend, “As a future advertising executive, what would you think of corrective advertising?” This question casts your friend in the role of advertising executive (rather than parent, Democrat, or Baptist, for example) and asks that she or he answer from a particular perspective.
Here are a few suggestions for giving effective feedforward.
< Use feedforward to estimate the receptivity of the person to what you’re going to say. For example, before asking for a date, you’d probably use feedforward to test the waters and to see if you’re likely to get a “yes” response. You might ask if the other person enjoys going out to dinner or if he or she is dating anyone seriously. Before asking a friend for a loan, you’d probably feedforward your needy condition and say something like “I’m really strapped for cash and need to get my hands on $200 to pay my car loan” and wait for the other person to say (you hope), “Can I help?”
< Use feedforward that’s consistent with your subsequent message. If your main message is one of bad news, then your feedforward needs to be serious and help to prepare the other person for this bad news. You might, for example, say something like “I need to tell you something you’re not going to want to hear. Let’s sit down.”
< The more important or complex the message, the more important and more extensive your feedforward needs to be. For example, in public speaking, in which the message is relatively long, you’d probably want to give fairly extensive feedforward or what is called an orientation or preview. At the start of a business meeting, the leader may give feedforward in the form of an agenda or meeting schedule.
< Avoid using overly long feedforwards that make your listener wonder whether you’ll ever get to the business at hand. These will make you seem disorganized and lacking in focus.
Miss communication
In the third case, I was phoned the day before a booked appointment to say that I would not be able to keep my appointment (and offered two less convenient times as alternatives) because the professional I was to see was “not in”. When I pressed to try and see the person with whom I had an existing relationship, I was told they had left the business. This from a business that would charge me a 50% cancellation fee if I were to cancel within 24 hours of an appointment.
7 ways to communication effectively
- Have self-worth
Self-worth is analogous to self-confidence. The better you feel about yourself (i.e. the more you think you’re worth), the more confident you’re going to be. With self-worth, you can get what you want out of every conversation. Without self-worth you’ll be stuck in small-talk. In order to get what you want out of a conversation, you must give the other person a chance to believe that you’re worthy of their time and effort.
- Get interested in other people
People have two stations which other people can listen to, WIFM (what’s in it for me) and WIFO (what’s in it for others). WIFM is boring for people to listen to. Most people are interested in themselves. People want to be flattered, and you can do this by letting the other person talk about him or herself, by changing the channel to WIFO.
By changing the channel to WIFO, you have just led the person to feeling good about themselves. Since you were the one who made them feel good about themselves, they will be indebted to you and will want to pay you back by helping you out with what you wanted them to do for you.
- Open up a person’s heart
You can do this five different ways…(1) Ask open-ended questions that really get the other person talking a lot. How was your day/weekend/week? What are your hobbies? What do you think of this town? If there is one wish you could wish for, what would it be? The last one might really get them thinking. Don’t limit yourself to just talking about the weather. Ask questions that make them think, that they would be interested in answering, as they feel good about themselves sharing their life with someone. In this case, you! Warning: Don’t just shoot many questions in a row without sharing a little bit about yourself. Doing this may make them feel uncomfortable, as they think you’re like a police officer or detective trying to solve a crime.
(2) Compliment them! However, be specific; don’t just say you look nice. That doesn’t mean anything, but if you say, “you have a beautiful dress, it really compliments your skin color,” then you have a genuine compliment. (3) Ask a person’s name when you first meet them and remember it. From then on, address them by their name at all times. (4) Smile, you can never smile too much. (5) Have a good sense of humor.
- Listen at least two times more than you talk
You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Therefore, you should listen twice as much as you speak. To show that you’re listening effectively, you must ask follow-up questions. A follow-up question shows the other person that you’re listening, and perhaps equally important extends the length of the conversation in a good way. For example, somebody tells you they love to hike. Ask, why do you like to hike? What is it like to hike? I was interested in hiking; could you give me some basic advice on hiking? By showing you listen, and by extending the conversation, you really open up a person’s heart.
- Diversify yourself
Learn about sports, dancing, even television shows, etc. This gives you subjects to talk about, as well as chances to meet new people. In cases such as dancing, where you meet people as you perform the activity, you’re actually killing two birds with one stone. You get the chance to meet new people, plus the chance to diversify yourself, as well. It also gives you status, essential for getting the most out of any conversation. For people are more attracted to somebody who is diversified, and has a lot to talk about. Being diversified is an important commodity for anyone to have.
- Understand that your worth never changes
Follow along…In my hand I am holding a check for a million dollars. I crumble it up. It’s still worth a million dollars. I step on it, it’s still worth a million dollars, I start rubbing it on the floor with my shoe, and it’s till worth a million dollars.
You are worth a lot more than a million dollars. In fact, your worth is immeasurable. Therefore, there is no such thing as ‘rejection’ as you’re always worth the same no matter what. Nobody can reject you because nobody can change your worth. Moreover, don’t be afraid of something (rejection) that doesn’t exist. Take risks, ask for what you want, and eventually you will get what you want.
- Follow the step-ladder to success
Imagine wanting to become the heavyweight champion of the world. First you have to beat, the lower-ranked fighters, then the contenders, and then finally rise up to face the champ. In order to face the champ you have to take those three steps in the order stated in the previous sentence. If you would try to face the champ before the contenders/lower ranked fighters, you’ll be “too green,” or immature as a fighter in order to be able to hurt the champion. Follow these steps in order (i.e. lower-ranked fighters, contenders, and champion), you won’t be guaranteed success but you’ll give yourself your best chance. Same goes with conversational skills. First you have to approach your second or third choice of date, before you’re able to gain the courage to face the ‘champion,’ your top choice date. You have to first be able to interact with fellow employees, and lower-level managers, before you can learn to deal with the CEO. Again, just like in boxing, you won’t be guaranteed success, but you’ll give yourself your best shot.
Develop a relationship
Two people develop a relationship when each respects, contributes to, and acknowledges the positive and negative face needs of the other and it deteriorates when they don't.
"Positive face" is the need to be thought of highly, to be valued, to be esteemed. In more communication terms, respect for positive face entails the exchange of compliments, praise, and general positivity. "Negative face" is the need to be autonomous, to be in control of one's own behavior, to not be obligated to do something. In more communication terms, respect for negative face entails the exchange of permission requests (rather than demands), messages indicating that a person's time is valuable and respected, and few if any imposed obligations. It would also entail providing the other person an easy "way out" when a request is made.
Relationships develop when these needs are met. Relationships will be maintained when the rules of politeness are maintained. And relationships will deteriorate when the rules of politeness are bent, violated too often, or ignored completely. Relationship repair will be effected by a process of reinstituting the rules of politeness. Politeness, of course, is not the entire story; it's just a piece. It won't explain all the reasons for relationship development or deterioration but it explains a part of the processes. It won't explain, for example, why so many people stay in abusive and unsatisfying relationships. It's major weakness seems to be that politeness needs for specific individuals are difficult to identify--what is politeness to one person, may be perceived as rude or insensitive to another.
And, perhaps not surprisingly, politeness seems to be relaxed as the relationship becomes more intimate. As the relationship becomes more intimate and long-lasting, there is greater relationship license to violate the normal rules of politeness. This may well be a mistake, at least in certain relationships. Our needs for positive and negative face do not go away when a relationship becomes more intimate; they're still there. If the definitions of politeness are themselves relaxed by the individuals, then there seems little problem. There is a problem when the definitions--relaxed or original--are not shared by the individuals; when one assumes the acceptability of something generally considered impolite as o.k. while the other does not.
When people in relationships complain that they are not respected, are not valued as they used to be when they were dating, and that their relationship is not romantic, they may well be talking about politeness. And so, on the more positive side, it offers very concrete suggestions for developing, maintaining, and repairing interpersonal relationships, namely: increase politeness by contributing to the positive and negative face needs of the other person.
"Positive face" is the need to be thought of highly, to be valued, to be esteemed. In more communication terms, respect for positive face entails the exchange of compliments, praise, and general positivity. "Negative face" is the need to be autonomous, to be in control of one's own behavior, to not be obligated to do something. In more communication terms, respect for negative face entails the exchange of permission requests (rather than demands), messages indicating that a person's time is valuable and respected, and few if any imposed obligations. It would also entail providing the other person an easy "way out" when a request is made.
Relationships develop when these needs are met. Relationships will be maintained when the rules of politeness are maintained. And relationships will deteriorate when the rules of politeness are bent, violated too often, or ignored completely. Relationship repair will be effected by a process of reinstituting the rules of politeness. Politeness, of course, is not the entire story; it's just a piece. It won't explain all the reasons for relationship development or deterioration but it explains a part of the processes. It won't explain, for example, why so many people stay in abusive and unsatisfying relationships. It's major weakness seems to be that politeness needs for specific individuals are difficult to identify--what is politeness to one person, may be perceived as rude or insensitive to another.
And, perhaps not surprisingly, politeness seems to be relaxed as the relationship becomes more intimate. As the relationship becomes more intimate and long-lasting, there is greater relationship license to violate the normal rules of politeness. This may well be a mistake, at least in certain relationships. Our needs for positive and negative face do not go away when a relationship becomes more intimate; they're still there. If the definitions of politeness are themselves relaxed by the individuals, then there seems little problem. There is a problem when the definitions--relaxed or original--are not shared by the individuals; when one assumes the acceptability of something generally considered impolite as o.k. while the other does not.
When people in relationships complain that they are not respected, are not valued as they used to be when they were dating, and that their relationship is not romantic, they may well be talking about politeness. And so, on the more positive side, it offers very concrete suggestions for developing, maintaining, and repairing interpersonal relationships, namely: increase politeness by contributing to the positive and negative face needs of the other person.
Famous Celebs
Thumbing through the latest issue of TV Guide I see celebrity chef Giada DeLaurentiis and am reminded of the great popularity of cooking shows and the emergence of the chef as the new celebrity. It may not be time to dismiss Britney Spears and George Clooney but they sure have to make room for Bobby Flay, Rachel Ray, Paula Dean, Guy Fieri, Sandra Lee, Alton Brown, Ina Garten, Emeril Lagasse, and a host of others. What’s so surprising about this is that the chef has achieved celebrity status in a society that doesn’t cook! It reminds me of what Lazarsfeld and Merton (writing in 1948) called the narcotizing function of the mass media: “The individual reads accounts of issues and problems [or watches television cooking shows] and may even discuss alternative lines of action. But this rather intellectualized, rather remote connection with organized social action is not activity. The interested and informed citizen can congratulate himself on his lofty state of interest and information [for example, knowing the difference between a shiitake and chanterelle or bordelaise from Bolognese] and neglect to see that he has abstained from decision and action [say, buying uncooked food and actually cooking it].”
In short, it seems that watching television cooking shows (or subscribing to Everyday with Rachel Ray or buying a cookbook) and knowing the celebrity chefs (parasocially, of course) is an adequate substitute for cooking
In short, it seems that watching television cooking shows (or subscribing to Everyday with Rachel Ray or buying a cookbook) and knowing the celebrity chefs (parasocially, of course) is an adequate substitute for cooking
Nonverbal Communication: Scent
Here's a brief article on a soon-to-be-published article on scent and memory. In this study students examined scented and unscented pencils and a ten-point list of the pencil's attributes (i.e., its selling points). The study found that students better remembered (after 2 weeks) more of the attributes of the pencil when it was scented (3.27 out of the 10) than when it was unscented (.87 out of 10). The researcher, Aradhna Krishna of the University of Michigan, concludes: "What we're saying is, it's not just the smell that people remember. It's other things associated with the smell: the brand name, or the shape of the product's box."
Communication Strategies: Feedback
Throughout the communication process, you exchange feedback—messages sent back to the speaker concerning reactions to what is said. Feedback tells the speaker what effect she or he is having on listeners. On the basis of this feedback, the speaker may adjust, modify, strengthen, de-emphasize, or change the content or form of the messages.
Feedback may come from you or from others. When you send a message—say, in speaking to another person—you also hear yourself. As you type in an email or text message, you also see what you’ve typed. That is, you get feedback from your own messages: you hear what you say, you feel the way you move, and you see what you write.
In addition to this self-feedback, you get feedback from others. This feedback can take many forms. A frown or a smile, a yea or a nay, a pat on the back or a punch in the mouth are all types of feedback. Sometimes feedback is easy to identify, but sometimes it isn’t. Part of the art of effective communication is to discern feedback and adjust your messages on the basis of that feedback.
Each feedback opportunity presents you with choices along at least the following five dimensions: positive–negative, person focused–message focused, immediate–delayed, low monitored–high monitored, and supportive–critical. To use feedback effectively, you need to make educated choices along these dimensions.
< Positive–Negative. Feedback may be positive (you pay a compliment or pat someone on the back) or negative (you criticize someone or scowl). Positive feedback tells the speaker that he or she is on the right track and should continue communicating in essentially the same way. Negative feedback tells the speaker that something is wrong and that some adjustment should be made.
< Person Focused–Message Focused. Feedback may center on the person (“You’re sweet” or “You have a great smile”). Or it may center on the message (“Can you repeat that number?” or “Your argument is a good one”).
< Immediate–Delayed. In interpersonal situations, feedback is often sent immediately after the message is received; you smile or say something in response almost simultaneously with your receiving the message. In other communication situations, however, the feedback may be delayed. Instructor evaluation questionnaires completed at the end of a course provide feedback long after the class began.
< Low-Monitoring–High-Monitoring Feedback. Feedback varies from the spontaneous and totally honest reaction (low-monitored feedback) to the carefully constructed response designed to serve a specific purpose (high-monitored feedback). In most interpersonal situations, you probably give feedback spontaneously; you allow your responses to show without any monitoring. At other times, however, you may be more guarded, as when your boss asks you how you like your job.
< Supportive–Critical. Supportive feedback accepts the speaker and what the speaker says. It occurs, for example, when you console another, encourage him or her to talk, or otherwise confirm the person’s definition of self. Critical feedback, on the other hand, is evaluative; it’s judgmental. When you give critical feedback (whether positive or negative), you judge another’s performance—as in, for example, coaching someone learning a new skill.
Of course, these categories are not exclusive. Feedback does not have to be either critical or supportive; it can be both. For example, in talking with someone who is trying to become a more effective interviewer, you might critically evaluate a practice interview but also express support for the effort. Similarly, you might respond to a friend’s question immediately and then after a day or two elaborate on your response. Because each situation is unique, it’s difficult to offer specific suggestions for making your feedback more effective. But, with some adjustments for the specifics of the situation, the following guides might prove helpful:
< Focus on the behavior or the message rather than the motives behind the message or behavior. Say, for example, “You forgot my birthday” rather than “You don’t love me.”
< If your feedback is largely negative, try to begin with something positive. There are always positives if you look hard enough. The negatives will be much easier to take, after hearing some positives.
< Ask for feedback on your feedback, for example, say “Does this make sense?” “Do you understand what I want our relationship to be?”
< When you’re the recipient of feedback, be sure to show your interest in feedback. This is vital information that will help you improve whatever you’re doing. Encourage the feedback giver. Be open to hearing this feedback. Don’t argue; don’t be defensive.
< Check your perceptions. Do you understand the feedback? Ask questions. Not all feedback is easy to understand; after all, a wink, a backward head nod, or a smile can each signal a variety of different messages. When you don’t understand the meaning of the feedback, ask for clarification (nondefensively, of course). Paraphrase the feedback you’ve just received to make sure you both understand it: “You’d be comfortable taking over the added responsibilities if I went back to school?”
Feedback may come from you or from others. When you send a message—say, in speaking to another person—you also hear yourself. As you type in an email or text message, you also see what you’ve typed. That is, you get feedback from your own messages: you hear what you say, you feel the way you move, and you see what you write.
In addition to this self-feedback, you get feedback from others. This feedback can take many forms. A frown or a smile, a yea or a nay, a pat on the back or a punch in the mouth are all types of feedback. Sometimes feedback is easy to identify, but sometimes it isn’t. Part of the art of effective communication is to discern feedback and adjust your messages on the basis of that feedback.
Each feedback opportunity presents you with choices along at least the following five dimensions: positive–negative, person focused–message focused, immediate–delayed, low monitored–high monitored, and supportive–critical. To use feedback effectively, you need to make educated choices along these dimensions.
< Positive–Negative. Feedback may be positive (you pay a compliment or pat someone on the back) or negative (you criticize someone or scowl). Positive feedback tells the speaker that he or she is on the right track and should continue communicating in essentially the same way. Negative feedback tells the speaker that something is wrong and that some adjustment should be made.
< Person Focused–Message Focused. Feedback may center on the person (“You’re sweet” or “You have a great smile”). Or it may center on the message (“Can you repeat that number?” or “Your argument is a good one”).
< Immediate–Delayed. In interpersonal situations, feedback is often sent immediately after the message is received; you smile or say something in response almost simultaneously with your receiving the message. In other communication situations, however, the feedback may be delayed. Instructor evaluation questionnaires completed at the end of a course provide feedback long after the class began.
< Low-Monitoring–High-Monitoring Feedback. Feedback varies from the spontaneous and totally honest reaction (low-monitored feedback) to the carefully constructed response designed to serve a specific purpose (high-monitored feedback). In most interpersonal situations, you probably give feedback spontaneously; you allow your responses to show without any monitoring. At other times, however, you may be more guarded, as when your boss asks you how you like your job.
< Supportive–Critical. Supportive feedback accepts the speaker and what the speaker says. It occurs, for example, when you console another, encourage him or her to talk, or otherwise confirm the person’s definition of self. Critical feedback, on the other hand, is evaluative; it’s judgmental. When you give critical feedback (whether positive or negative), you judge another’s performance—as in, for example, coaching someone learning a new skill.
Of course, these categories are not exclusive. Feedback does not have to be either critical or supportive; it can be both. For example, in talking with someone who is trying to become a more effective interviewer, you might critically evaluate a practice interview but also express support for the effort. Similarly, you might respond to a friend’s question immediately and then after a day or two elaborate on your response. Because each situation is unique, it’s difficult to offer specific suggestions for making your feedback more effective. But, with some adjustments for the specifics of the situation, the following guides might prove helpful:
< Focus on the behavior or the message rather than the motives behind the message or behavior. Say, for example, “You forgot my birthday” rather than “You don’t love me.”
< If your feedback is largely negative, try to begin with something positive. There are always positives if you look hard enough. The negatives will be much easier to take, after hearing some positives.
< Ask for feedback on your feedback, for example, say “Does this make sense?” “Do you understand what I want our relationship to be?”
< When you’re the recipient of feedback, be sure to show your interest in feedback. This is vital information that will help you improve whatever you’re doing. Encourage the feedback giver. Be open to hearing this feedback. Don’t argue; don’t be defensive.
< Check your perceptions. Do you understand the feedback? Ask questions. Not all feedback is easy to understand; after all, a wink, a backward head nod, or a smile can each signal a variety of different messages. When you don’t understand the meaning of the feedback, ask for clarification (nondefensively, of course). Paraphrase the feedback you’ve just received to make sure you both understand it: “You’d be comfortable taking over the added responsibilities if I went back to school?”
Communication Strategies: Metacommunication
Here's a brief explanation of metacommunication, surely not enough to do this important topic justice--but a start.
The prefix meta- can mean a variety of things (Give examples), but as used in communication, philosophy, and psychology, its meaning is best translated as about. Thus, metacommunication is communication about communication, metalanguage is language about language, and a metamessage is a message about a message.
Look at it this way. You can communicate about the world——about the desk you’re sitting at, the computer you’re using, or the passage you’re reading right now. This is called object communication; you’re talking about objects. And the language you’re using is called object language. But you’re not limited to talking about objects. You can also talk about your talk; you can communicate about your communication. And this is referred to as metacommunication. In the same way, you can use language (that is, metalanguage) to talk about language (that is, object language). And you can talk about your messages with metamessages.
Actually, you use this distinction every day, perhaps without realizing it. For example, when you send someone an e-mail with a seemingly sarcastic comment and then put a smiley at the end, the smiley communicates about your communication; it says something like “this message is not to be taken literally; I’m trying to be humorous.” The smiley is a metamessage; it’s a message about a message. When you say, in preface to some comment, “I’m not sure about this, but . . .,” you’re communicating a message about a message; you’re commenting on the message and asking that it be understood with the qualification that you may be wrong. When you conclude a comment with “I’m only kidding” you’re metacommunicating; you’re communicating about your communication. In relationship communication you often talk in metalanguage and say things like, “We really need to talk about the way we communicate when we’re out with company” or “You’re too critical” or “I love when you tell me how much you love me.”
And, of course, you can also use nonverbal messages to metacommunicate. You can wink at someone to indicate that you’re only kidding or sneer after saying “Yeah, that was great,” with the sneer contradicting the literal meaning of the verbal message.
Here are a few suggestions for increasing your metacommunication effectiveness:
< Explain the feelings that go with your thoughts.
< Give clear feedforward to help the other person get a general picture of the messages that will follow.
< Paraphrase your own complex messages so as to make your meaning extra clear. Similarly, check on your understanding of another’s message by paraphrasing what you think the other person means.
< Ask for clarification if you have doubts about another’s meaning.
< Use metacommunication when you want to clarify the communication patterns between yourself and another person: “I’d like to talk about the way you talk about me to our friends” or “I think we should talk about the way we talk about sex.”
< Be careful that you don’t substitute talk about talk for talk about the issues. It’s easy in an argument, say, to focus on the talk—for example, objecting to the terms the other person is using or the tone of voice—and avoiding talking about the infidelity or the gambling debts.
The prefix meta- can mean a variety of things (Give examples), but as used in communication, philosophy, and psychology, its meaning is best translated as about. Thus, metacommunication is communication about communication, metalanguage is language about language, and a metamessage is a message about a message.
Look at it this way. You can communicate about the world——about the desk you’re sitting at, the computer you’re using, or the passage you’re reading right now. This is called object communication; you’re talking about objects. And the language you’re using is called object language. But you’re not limited to talking about objects. You can also talk about your talk; you can communicate about your communication. And this is referred to as metacommunication. In the same way, you can use language (that is, metalanguage) to talk about language (that is, object language). And you can talk about your messages with metamessages.
Actually, you use this distinction every day, perhaps without realizing it. For example, when you send someone an e-mail with a seemingly sarcastic comment and then put a smiley at the end, the smiley communicates about your communication; it says something like “this message is not to be taken literally; I’m trying to be humorous.” The smiley is a metamessage; it’s a message about a message. When you say, in preface to some comment, “I’m not sure about this, but . . .,” you’re communicating a message about a message; you’re commenting on the message and asking that it be understood with the qualification that you may be wrong. When you conclude a comment with “I’m only kidding” you’re metacommunicating; you’re communicating about your communication. In relationship communication you often talk in metalanguage and say things like, “We really need to talk about the way we communicate when we’re out with company” or “You’re too critical” or “I love when you tell me how much you love me.”
And, of course, you can also use nonverbal messages to metacommunicate. You can wink at someone to indicate that you’re only kidding or sneer after saying “Yeah, that was great,” with the sneer contradicting the literal meaning of the verbal message.
Here are a few suggestions for increasing your metacommunication effectiveness:
< Explain the feelings that go with your thoughts.
< Give clear feedforward to help the other person get a general picture of the messages that will follow.
< Paraphrase your own complex messages so as to make your meaning extra clear. Similarly, check on your understanding of another’s message by paraphrasing what you think the other person means.
< Ask for clarification if you have doubts about another’s meaning.
< Use metacommunication when you want to clarify the communication patterns between yourself and another person: “I’d like to talk about the way you talk about me to our friends” or “I think we should talk about the way we talk about sex.”
< Be careful that you don’t substitute talk about talk for talk about the issues. It’s easy in an argument, say, to focus on the talk—for example, objecting to the terms the other person is using or the tone of voice—and avoiding talking about the infidelity or the gambling debts.
Monday, 17 October 2011
Entry 7 - On my group presentation in class
My group presented on the Australian Aboriginal culture, In finding out information about the Australian Aboriginal culture i was strange to me that its the oldest continuous living culture on the planet earth, and learn that their belief system is oral tradition and spiritual values are based upon reverence for the land and a belief in dream-time, dreaming is considered to be both the ancient time of creation.
They were with very few simple tools, used with incredible skill, they lived in harsh and inhospitable Australian outback. when at rest they live in open camps, caves or simple structures mad depleted beyond repair.
In learning of the Australian Aboriginal culture is does not have any influence the way i communicate now and in the future, because i'm living in the 21st century.
They were with very few simple tools, used with incredible skill, they lived in harsh and inhospitable Australian outback. when at rest they live in open camps, caves or simple structures mad depleted beyond repair.
In learning of the Australian Aboriginal culture is does not have any influence the way i communicate now and in the future, because i'm living in the 21st century.
Sunday, 16 October 2011
Entry 9
On a scale between 1- 10, I rate my self a 7 on hoe effective verbal communicator because first of all i like meeting new people (GIRLS) and secondly some people are so different to deal with.
now the question was asked is there clarity in my speech? and my answer is sometimes because sometimes doing public speaking and because of fiat my words kinda eat up, but when is come to expressing my self among my peers and group work and leadership, there a great deal of clarity in my speech.
I only demonstrate linguistic to my fellow country men/women through creole, because we understand each other better and our own means of private conversation within the public.
now the question was asked is there clarity in my speech? and my answer is sometimes because sometimes doing public speaking and because of fiat my words kinda eat up, but when is come to expressing my self among my peers and group work and leadership, there a great deal of clarity in my speech.
I only demonstrate linguistic to my fellow country men/women through creole, because we understand each other better and our own means of private conversation within the public.
Do you use slang in your everday conversations? why? do you think you use slang appropriately? state the resons for you answer
As we often know, statistics have proven that more than half of young adults as well as children within the ages of eight to twelve, often use slangs in their everyday conversation. You may ask yourself what is a slang? or how do i know im using a slang? A slang is can be described as informal, nonstandard words or phrase which tends to originate in subculters within society.Slang often suggests that the person utilizing the words or phrase is familiar with hearer's group--it can be considered a distingushing factor of in-group identity.
Slang expressions are created in basically the same way as standard speech. As stated in the Microsoft Encarta, "expressions may take form as metophors, similes, and other figures of speech."
I know i'm using a slang when it is often use in more than one context by many people. SLan words are an important part of our culture. We seem to need them to express ourselces in our relationships to the society we live in and our slang choices really do show where we live and work and who we are listening to. Our position in the class hierarchy is revealed everytime we open our mouths to say something "slangy".
Because most people are individuals who desire uniqueness, it stands to reason that slang has been in existence for as long as language has been in existence. Even so, the question of why slang develops within a language has been hotly debated. Most agree that the question is still unanswered, or perharps it has many answers. regardless, there is no doubt that we can better explain slang's existence by analyzing how and why it exsits.
The columbia encyclopeids notes that the slang is often "well developed in the speaking vocabularies of cultuerd, sophisticated rich languages." Whereas slang was once considered as the lowest form of communication, many now consider slang to be intelligent ans insightful variation to the blandness of the standard language. Others, however, condem the use of slang, believing that it undermines the standard language and reflects poorly on its users. The Oxford English Dictionary's 1989 edition defines slang as "the special vocabulary used by any set of persons of a low character; language of a low and vulgar type."
Therefore, in my perspective in believe that slang can't be used appropriately due to the fact that; not only times have changed, but modern day society and the way the new generation speaks.
Entry 8 - An article from local newspaper and comment about it, and my perception about it
Guardian Newspaper
Arima men shot while helping robbed neighbour
Published: Sun, 2011-10-16 22:15Reaction:
During this time of SOE it is assumed that crime would be on the decrease but in fact acts like these just shows that criminals are not at all phased by the curfew. It simple just allows them to commit their acts at an earlier time. From this short article a wide range of questions as well as opinions can be formed. Based on the information given in the report the question of who is the real criminal is brought to the forefront, what 21 year old young male walks around with a gold chain valued at almost $20,000. He is walking around with the cost of an entire semester charges for an international student hanging from his neck. Could this have been more than just an attempted robbery, could there have been more to the story than the authorities were told. The assailants made no attempt to cover up their faces, either they wanted the victim to know their identity of they were too foolish/ desperate to even make the effort to hide.
In the end of all of this the criminals were able to make an escape and the neighbours those considered to be the good Samaritans are the ones nursing gunshot wounds. Their good act has been rewarded with metal lodged in their bodies. As the saying goes ‘crime does not pay’ but its apparent that being helpful doesn’t pay either.
Saturday, 15 October 2011
How does my culture impact in communicate, and the influence my verbal and non-verbal behaviors
In the Caribbean we have alot of culture differences in which we communicate. I'm a Dominican by birth and Dominica is home to a wide range of people. Although it was historically occupied by several native tribes, the Arawak Kalinago Caribs tribes, we speak creole (type of french language), my culture impact greatly in my communicate because i communicate with the elderly good cause they better understand what you bring a cross in creole better than English, and secondly because of our culture we as Dominica communicate using creole without make other culture understand what we are saying.
At the same time It affects a lot, in the way we speak as far as "slang" some words may have different meaning for different cultures. Some of the things we do may also have different meanings. So we may offend somebody from a different culture by saying something that is not offensive to us.
My culture influences my verbal and nonverbal behaviors accurately read other people, including the emotions they’re feeling and the unspoken messages they’re sending. Create trust and transparency in relationships by sending nonverbal signals that match up with your words. Respond with nonverbal cues that show others that you understand, notice, and care.
Thursday, 29 September 2011
My Perception and My-self ----> Mixed Emotions
It’s no secret that my perception could use little work I ask you though Isn’t reasonable to feel The way I do right now? Isn’t reasonable to feel Burned and tired? Scared yet optimistic? Love and Hate? All at the same time I’m starting to learn that…. I have mixed emotions Every moment is different One minute I feel tired The next I feel optimistic I’m just trying to figure it out I find myself confused Someone help me! Why am I here? Is it okay to grieve Over the ones you love? I miss my family so much my mother was a wonderful person, but she caused A lot of damage doesn't mean I wanted Her to go now… My father had his problems But he was mine. Look at the destruction. I lost both of them Unnecessarily and I am Here without the family I created or born into. What’s the true cost of freedom? I have mixed emotions Every moment is different One moment I feel happy now it’s all gone I’m left here to pick up the pieces….Then again my perception could use some work my outlook is extremely Bleak because of the way I feel and the damage that has been done over the years! I’m finding this a lot Harder that I thought. I find myself unable To let go so easily Someone help me! I've got to stop and Take control over my life before it’s too late
my feeling about 9/11
I was in high school, sitting in my gym class when I heard what happened. We all got through the rest of the day in school, but not doing regular class work. We were watching the News all day.
When I got home the news was on. The next few days was CNN non-stop.
By now, I was so sick of hearing the boo-hoos from the Americans. Some sadistic morons from a far off country (of whom the Americans have been quietly invading for a number of years) crashed some planes into 2 VERY large office buildings and a lot of people died. A lot of people died in Thailand during the tidal wave there a few years back, and do we have a memorial for them every year? Does "Thailand's tragic monsoon" come up as a headline still a decade later? NO. So why in the world does 9/11 still have to regurgitate itself every so often?
Simply because: Americans over-react. EVERYTHING that happens to the United States of America calls for over the top and unnecessary drama. If this happened or happens to any other country in the world, and there are hundreds of them, the headlines would be over within the day, if they were even heard of at all.
I feel like it was a terrible, tragic thing to happen, all those lives lost, and the buildings now gone, but that Americans need to step out of their self-enclosed lifestyles and see that there is a world outside your own borders, and that we don't care as much about your over-bearing, obnoxious country as much as most of you might think
When I got home the news was on. The next few days was CNN non-stop.
By now, I was so sick of hearing the boo-hoos from the Americans. Some sadistic morons from a far off country (of whom the Americans have been quietly invading for a number of years) crashed some planes into 2 VERY large office buildings and a lot of people died. A lot of people died in Thailand during the tidal wave there a few years back, and do we have a memorial for them every year? Does "Thailand's tragic monsoon" come up as a headline still a decade later? NO. So why in the world does 9/11 still have to regurgitate itself every so often?
Simply because: Americans over-react. EVERYTHING that happens to the United States of America calls for over the top and unnecessary drama. If this happened or happens to any other country in the world, and there are hundreds of them, the headlines would be over within the day, if they were even heard of at all.
I feel like it was a terrible, tragic thing to happen, all those lives lost, and the buildings now gone, but that Americans need to step out of their self-enclosed lifestyles and see that there is a world outside your own borders, and that we don't care as much about your over-bearing, obnoxious country as much as most of you might think
Friday, 16 September 2011
Bio of myself
I'm Kadeem Toussaint, from the beautiful island of Dominica, I'm pursing a degree in computer science ( software system emphasis) at USC. One day would love to go and study aviation to become a pilot in the U.S.
My Hope is my Passion, My Dream is my Fear, My Neglection is my Resurrection, My Fall is my Rise, My Hopes are my Aspirations, My Burden is my Salvation, My name is who I am and I am Myself
I rate my self at 7, because one is that i love to meet new people and secondly some a difficult to communicate with.
My greatest weakness is public speaking, because i often get shy and eat up my words. I guess i could improve by practicing and engaging my self in public program
My Hope is my Passion, My Dream is my Fear, My Neglection is my Resurrection, My Fall is my Rise, My Hopes are my Aspirations, My Burden is my Salvation, My name is who I am and I am Myself
I rate my self at 7, because one is that i love to meet new people and secondly some a difficult to communicate with.
My greatest weakness is public speaking, because i often get shy and eat up my words. I guess i could improve by practicing and engaging my self in public program
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